The Gifts Given – Paid In Full

It is widely accepted that each of us is born with a ‘God given gift’, a talent of some sort. However, what may be less known is that such talent is not actually a gift at all – it is paid for in full at birth. I’ve come to know a few people extremely well, including my family. Each person, as far as I’ve seen bears this out. I admit this is not much of an empirical sampling. On the other hand, it makes good philosophical sense.

Knowing myself best, I’ll be the example (he said self consciously). Like everyone, I have acquired various skills over the years. My wife says I am a writer. Not really, I actually only developed that skill as best I could over the years to express my real ‘God given talent’ – a talent for seeing and voicing what others may not. Yet, this ability in fact stems from my only true talent – I’m an explorer at heart. Usually we understand the word explorer by what an explorer discovers. More telling, though, is seeing what price was paid for that ‘talent’. In this case, what drives me to be an explorer at heart?

Disconnection, plain and simple. I was never socially engaged in American culture as a youth from as early as I can remember. Somewhat oddly, I never felt bothered by the fact either. I never felt left out because I never wanted to belong. That said, looking back on the many years spent abroad were really a search for  ‘home’. Home being not only emotional (i.e., tribal connection), but philosophical as well. My shear lack of cultural ties drove me to search for ties – in other words, a search for meaning in life. I had no choice but to set out into ‘the wilderness’ and discover what matters (a somewhat quixotic attempt to reinvent the wheel I found).

It finally took having my own children to find ‘emotional home’. That brought me to deeply realize how essential social connection is for humans, and how fragmentary the connection has become since the agricultural revolution. Nothing replaces the social security of the tribal family bond, which has genuinely deteriorated ever since our hunter gather days(1).

It finally took coming to my wits end with words to find my ‘philosophical home’. I realized that the meaning of every thought I had hinged on the words with which I thought. It was a vicious circle. I had a complete lack of belief. There was no way out but to deal with the words themselves (i.e., to correlate them). Nothing replaces the ability to think that one does not know, which became genuinely difficult ever since we evolved the ability to think(2).

To summarize: Everything I do is driven by the void in my life. The emptiness, loss, death, space, etc., drove/drives me to do what I must  to fill the ‘hole’. I imagine this quid pro quo view (of talent gifts paid for) may not sit well with folks because it devalues talent. Rather than strength, we’d have to admit that, weakness is the means the way employs. Ego, both self and tribal, wants strength and this view just deflates it. Whew, it’s fortunate that I’m not trying to make any money off these observations!

(1) We don’t realize how socially broken we are. You can’t miss what you’ve never had. It took the rather rare circumstances of our family life: home schooling, home music, home garden, home business, home yoga, home ‘taoism’ and such opened my eyes and heart. It also helped that I was in my mid 40’s when I started a family.

(2) Similarly, it is difficult for us to know how peaceful consciousness is without names and words (thinking) obstructing the view. Language dominates mind; to let go of it is like experiencing life without a body.