Our money is family money… really. It is one big pot from which each takes as needed. This is radically different from the independent model upon which my parents raised me. I did chores for which I got a salary. I suppose the idea here is to prepare the me (their child) for the employer – employee relationship that would lie ahead.
That was not to be my model for raising my kids. Here, everyone in the family did / does ‘chores’, but not as some ‘job’, but rather as part of what needs doing as part of practical daily living. A shared life involves shared responsibility (which makes life feel more shared). Here, each takes on what they are most naturally capable of doing. ‘It happened to us naturally.’ Continue reading ‘The Family Purse’
Eligible bachelors
There is a curious thing I notice in the life of my two sons. They are not chasing girls like I was at their age. They aren’t gay either, so what gives? I look back on my youthful lust and see a disconnected lad looking for companionship that my ‘independent’ upbringing (plus innate nature, I suppose) never provided. All I ever really wanted was intimacy and acceptance. And the only path to that deeper sense of connection was through a boy-girl relationship. That was true of my wife and most everyone I know (especially in Western cultures). Ironically, our culture’s love of ‘independence and self reliance’ actually leave its people with just the opposite, deep down anyway. Continue reading ‘Significant Others’
Mother and sons
One curious result of using a ‘taoist’ model of ‘virtue’ to raise my kids is seeing how naturally ethical – even to a ‘fault’ – they have turned out. Given the laissez-faire upbringing they had, it is a little odd to see how rigidly law abiding they can be at times. For example, we headed down the street to order a sandwich at the corner deli. I grabbed a beer to drink (rare for me) as we walked there. They protested, saying it was against the law to walk in public and drink beer. I thought that nonsense. Drink and drive no way, but drink and walk? All my life I have only obeyed laws I agreed with, so they didn’t pick up their highly law abiding ways from me (obviously). And, given the circumstances of how they were raised, I doubt they learned it from anyone in particular. This may be a testament to the deep underlying pull of the ethical paradigm that surrounds everyone. Most conform, some rebel, but everyone feels it. Continue reading ‘Innately Ethical’
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