My mother (who's 92 and lives next door) agreed with the 'assessment' that I 'brain wash' my boys. That a stranger who is only visiting a few days would judge the situation thus is not surprising, but my mother's been next door since the boys were born and has seen us all grow up. It baffled me how she could see us that way.

So, yesterday it occurred to me that the stranger and my mother were both judging our family from the vantage point of their experience, and indeed the American experience. My mother was a rebellious teenager, I was and immigrated to Australia at 20. In our culture the teenage rebellion from parents is normal! Our family has none of that, thus in the stranger's and my mother's eyes, we're abnormal... something is wrong with our family. Obviously, I must be 'brain washing' the boys, for how else could they have turned out to be the gentle, respectful, hardworking, honest, reliable, sincere, creative, and cooperative young men that they are.

I passed that analyses by her and, after some pondering, she thought I might be correct. At 92 she?s able to glimpse past her paradigm. That?s the upside of aging!

I'm not sure if people in the east get American TV 'cause a friend of ours in Japan can't get the station and want us to send him a coffee - I mean copy on DVD! (that was an actual typo ) I was thinking about coffee when I responded to Buddy1's coffee post so that typo is understandable.

Anyway, I'm not sure if people can get it in the east but if they got a sattelite, they should be able to.

Carl:

When my mother (who's 92 and lives next door) saw the show she agreed with Vickie's assessment that I 'brain wash' my boys.

Speaking as someone who was raised in a mind control cult ( hint: Saturday morning knock on your door ) these guys are not brainwashed. Brainwashing is the control of persons through fear, deception and isolation. Lies are shrouded within an abundance of truths and questioning the validity of what is taught is not tolerated.

It's a parent's job to instill proper values and be a positive influence in their childrens lives. Based on what I've seen of the Abbott family, I would have to say, "Carl and Leslie, job well done."

Tao Nut:

I'm not sure if people in the east get American TV 'cause a friend of ours in Japan can't get the station and want us to send him a coffee - I mean copy on DVD! (that was an actual typo ) I was thinking about coffee when I responded to Buddy1's coffee post so that typo is understandable.

Anyway, I'm not sure if people can get it in the east but if they got a sattelite, they should be able to.

You may have problems due to the region encoding on dvd - send them a vhs tape since they use ntsc in japan it should work.

None of the Satellites that go over Japan carry Fox.

Region encoding is not present on DVDs the homeowner records from TV with their own recorder, it is only on studio DVDs. IN addition, region free players are $35 US here and probably as cheap in Japan.

you should sell these-but i imagine Fox wouldn't allow that-still, maybe you could give them away, say to nice posters with naturally curly hair who order cd's from you-nudge nidge wink wink...

Oh, yes, I know you! Blush. Rick is going to Sunshine's Christmas party tomorrow night (Redwood City), so we won't be at the Smoke. Have a good time! P.S. Abbotts tell me that they plan to come up our way in April...something to look forward to.

Well, there's so much in that loaded statement.

My first thought was that people wouldn't think that way if Carl and the boys were at all the 49er games together, or playing basketball, or hunting together. The fact that you do yoga and tai chi together is seen as weird, controlling, whatever. Go figure.

Even though I haven't been around the boys for about 3 years, I've seen how mature and responsible they are. I guess people think it would be better for Carl to work 60-70 hours a week at an office, not participate in the boys life, and watch them turn out to have drug or alcohol problems, or whatever. It's ironic that sometimes we Americans think that being independent has been a positive thing in our growing up. Family stability seems to be more & more in short supply. (I have a brother and a friend who are going through divorces right now.)

Anyway, as a member of Carl's church for about 15 years, and a friend of the family for the same, I've always found their lifestyle, including raising Kyle and Luke, refreshing and solid, down-to-earth. Their example helps me in raising my 9 yr. old daughter, in trying to keep our family life on an even keel, when so many families are experiences such internal turbulence.

I'm so glad to hear that the Abbotts and the Lowes are staying in touch, and came away friends. I was disappointed and upset by the apparent negativity portrayed on the show; I couldn't believe that that's the kind of experience either family would have had. (No wonder I can't stand to watch Reality TV.)

Having watched the first show, I was keenly interested in seeing the second. I admit for all the wrong reasons; I was so completely wrapped up in the "OMG! What a complete, controlling KOOK!" line FOX was feeding me.

After digging up this site and learning about the family -- including reading the posts and blogs by the boys -- it's clear that the show is anything BUT reality. I'm seriously disgusted by what the network did; it's not that I ever thought them to be angels, but I didn't think their actions would go so far past any boundary of integrity. Likewise, I've learned a great lesson about my own tendency to latch onto negativity and get too involved in judgement.

In particular, the show made the boys look like sheltered innocents who were literally afraid to be out in public (the scene in the shoe store?). If you take the time to read what the boys post, it's clear however that they do have ample exposure to American pop culture: video games, television, etc.

The good news is that they have exposure to an alternative mindset as well. Unfortunately, most citizens in the US do not!

Amy

I have Gmail. What's your E-mail address? I'll send you an invite.

I must admit, Carl, that after watching both episodes I was (at first) outraged. It seemed so certain to me that you were "brainwashing" your sons and that somehow they had to be rescued from a life devoid of free thinking. It was in hopes of finding out some sort of update as to how they were doing that I stumbled upon your website. Boy, do I feel stupid now. ops:

I am so very, very impressed with both you and your intelligent, articulate sons. You must be so proud of how well both Luke and Kyle are growing up. As the mother of a teenager I understand how difficult it can be to raise a child who doesn't feel the need to rebel just to get their point across. My daughter still actually speaks to me (usually in a pretty loving manner, I'm happy to say) and we share time and experiences which I treasure. I am striving to let her be herself, no matter how different a person from me she is turning out to be. Rather than imposing my will upon her (or my beliefs) I am trying to give her the freedom to make her own decisions. I know that some decisions she makes will be tough for me to deal with, but I also know that she is learning with each step she takes. (Unfortunately those can't be barefoot steps, given that we live in Wisconsin and the windchill tonight is about 3 degrees.)

I plan to visit your website often because you and your sons are giving me the inspiration I need to remain a patient and understanding parent. You may not be a sage, you may not be a perfect dad (I'd guess that Kyle and Luke might agree with that comment once in awhile!) but you are offering us some great words of wisdom. We need to allow our children to bloom at the pace that best suits them.

Congratulations to your family for surviving this "reality" and thank you for allowing us into the REAL reality of who you are. Yours is an awesome family.

Ask and ye shall receive.

It's the best e-mail service out there, basically.

Buddy, if you or anyone else needs a free gmail account, just email me at Rowan555@aol.com - I Have 5 left.

Susan

Hey ... what is a GMail account and why do we want one??????

I saw the midle of the first show and refused to watch the second.
Media is there to pander to the masses. Changing the facts in order to create what the watcher wants to see in the amount of time they want to see it in. They cut, and manipulated the clips to the version of reality they wanted to portray. It didn't matter that it wasn't anywhere near truth.
Our culture has become the quick fix, super sized and pop that pill society. And the media is just a symptom of the desease.

Now I never said I would ban my tv. And my kids do have it on all day long. ( They are heavy readers too but with 5 kids in the house someone is always watching tv) My point is, and strictly speaking personally, I did not want to expose myself to the irritation of what I perseved as the media hurting people who I have been told were kind, extremely intelegent and caring. I was not going to sit and watch them be trashed, while the media told the public that this is the way these people are really like. So I took my powers of control over my environment and I changed the channel.
This doesn't mean that I coddle my children, or prevent them from seeing the world as it is. I expose them to more of reality and truth than I think many people do. They haven't had the easiest of lives to begin with. The older three had to deal with a divorse and now the man that has raised them for seven years ( my current husband and father of the last 2 kids) is heading to Iraq in a month.
Anyway, the media is just a tool for entertainment and information. We all must decide how to combat the abuse of such a tool and my reaction is not to give the shows I find lacking any of my veiwing support.

If only there were more people who spent half of the time they do as a family you'd see divorse raites, drop out raites and teen pregnancy raites drop. They should be the norm. Insted of pointing fingers these people need to look at their lifestyle and judge themselves before others.
And might I say the current popular norm is not exactly what I'd call the best life style. For that, one must have both parents working outside the home, hardly communicate, (that is if they are still married) and see their kids for a few seconds before bed time if they are lucky. I am sorry but no one else is going to influence the way my children grow up and what morals they are instilled with.

I don't think the reason Carl was called a control freak had anything to do with the fact that he and his family does yoga together.

I think it's due to the fact that they way Fox presented the family, the boys couldn't seem to do anything on their own.

There is nothing wrong with raising a family in a "conservative" way, however, the boys do need to be prepared for life that is out there other then the way they are being raised. I think this is where the "control" issue has come in effect.

Now, from what I personally seen on the show, Carl, you had your chance at seeing the world and even though it wasn't a good experience for you, your children have the right to experience the world as well. I'm sure they wouldn't choose to take the same path you did as far as where to tour. They will never forget the family morals they have been raised with.

Perhaps this part of the show wasn't the way it really is. I haven't read all this board yet so maybe I'm jumping the gun and if I am, I'm sorry.

I'm also curious, did your family spend the money the way it was designated to be spent? I often wonder if any of the families do.