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The Prison ~ Fortress of Perfection
Very young children are curious and open to the world around them. They experiment with their vocal chords and limbs and gradually learn the two most crucial skills in life: walking and talking. They are not hindered by a fear of making mistakes; they jump right in and tackle the task at hand. As our cognitive ability awakens and we gather in wide learning, a contrast between this ‘known’ (our learning) and the unknown increases drastically and our insecurity mounts (this is one reason why it helps to desire not to desire, and learn to be without learning). To compensate for the insecurity learning causes, we seek protection through perfection. This presents a curious evolutionary problem.
I’ve never found seeking or expecting perfection useful or empowering. Rather, the perfectionist approach misses opportunity’s daily knock on the door. Clinging to perfection is a hurdle to surmount before we can accomplish our private ends. We miss out on life when we are seeking, expecting, or hiding behind perfection’s secure walls. Frankly, if we approached life as perfectionists in early childhood we never would have learned to walk or talk.
Note: It is the seeking, clinging and expecting perfection that leads to difficulty. Working within perfection, moment to moment, is entirely different. Or as the Bhagavad-Gita puts it, “A harmony in eating and resting, in sleeping and keeping awake: a perfection in whatever one does. This is the Yoga that gives peace from all painâ€.
Very interesting. Being a graphic designer, my work is purely about perfection. It becomes extremely tedious at times and can be really dreadful when things don't turn out how I like. I've often noticed this aspect of myself filter into my daily life, an acute judgement of the world around me. Although the more I learn about myself, I have gradually learned to confine this aspect of myself to my work, and just experience the rest of my life for what it is.
“A harmony in eating and resting, in sleeping and keeping awake: a perfection in whatever one does.
This hints at paying perfect attention to the process of doing whatever you are doing as opposed to thinking of the result, projecting into the future, as you are working. I find that when I'm painting I don't think about how it will look finished, I'm just there with each brush stroke and color. It's only when I'm done that I can decide whether or not I like it or if I am going to run in under the faucet. Well, I must admit, sometimes in the middle it's apparent that it is going down the drain.
Your children are very lucky to have been raised the way you raised them. Also lucky not to have been subjected to big red X's on their school papers. We are conditioned to fear being wrong, of making a mistake. I've found in my old age that, at least in my watercolors, I allow myself to fail. But I'm still too scared and inhibited to try skiing!
Not being afraid to fail has and is still a big learning curve for me, but it is paying off extremely well. I was playing guitar last night, just improvising over some music, and I just decided to try to hit whatever notes came to me, not focusing on where it would go, or how to phrase it, and just played fearlessly, not worried about whether I would hit a "wrong" not. I played better than I ever had, it was great fun!
I can relate to that, Mister. When I first started doing watercolor I said to my husband "I have 900 bad watercolors to get out of the way, so just bear with me." It turned out only to be around 90 till I got one I liked a little , so I felt pretty good.
Well, let me mix a few things up in this post
1. Being rather new to the site I was very "?" after reading all the stuff about trading spouses. I have a lot of mixed reactions but I must say I am very impressed by the bravery of the Abbott family. Way to go guys! (P.S. I am a 27 year old man who still sleeps on the same bed with my mother and younger sister when we go on vacation. I thought I was weird, but discovered weirder upon learning that Japanese men sleep together in the same room is express deep friendship (i trust you with my life so we sleep in the same room). LOL.
2.Taoism does not say much directly on perfection, but much is revealed indirectly through the Zen aesthetics. Zen aesthetics embraces imperfection and asymmetry, something which really drives Western rationality nuts. The idea here is that nature always produces uneven outcomes, but it is precisely because of diversity that harmony exists.
I'm having the same experience with my guitar playing as mr.minor. I've been "learning" some new blues stuff, which I'm practicing regularly. I guess you have to build some kind of foundation for whatever we pursue. Anyway, my best playing is when I cease to think about what I should be doing, how it compares to professional guitarists, etc. When I let go into the moment, the notes just flow out of me. Actually, one of the exercises I'm working on right now, flows the best when I let my "fingers do the walking", and I quit thinking about it. Curious!
You know it! I played amazingly last night, playing without worrying about where the "wrong" notes were. Yeah I hit them, but just kept on going, and man it was a great time.
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