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How important is friendship? What does it mean to you? Why do we need friends? How do we tell friends from acquanitances? Are friends necessary?
To me honestly, friendship doesnt mean much. Being friendly to all whom you meet is important, but if it never goes beyond that inital meet and greet, fine with me. I haven't had a 'best friend' in years. I have alot of work acquaintances, but in 15 years there, I've never had one coworker to my house for more than a minute or two. Same with my karate class. I go to the occasional party, funeral or wedding but I dont go anywhere just to hang out, or play games or whatever...am I antisocial? Should I care?
I have some people I care about, keep in touch with, but never see more than once a decade or so. This is not a poor me confession, I'm content with my life, but I wonder if this is common. Some I know claim to have dozens of 'friends' but I wonder what their criteria is...
I guess my way of looking at it arises from moving so much as a child, never had time to make lasting friendships, & eventually lost interest in it altogther...that plus my natural solitary nature...
Friends to me are someone who like you despite your eccentricities, who trust & believe in you, who know your faults but put up with you anyway...I had plenty of drinking buddies back in my bar days, folks I saw everyday for years. Once I sobered up, they all quit coming 'round, save one, and even she's drifted away now...since coming on the internet I've had several enjoyable exchanges with folks, but these too seem to die off after a few months...and I don't mind...
Read once that strangers are more important than friends, that strangers have no expectations of you, and thus allow you to be more yourself, that we put on a front for friends...is this a cop out, is it acceptable?
Just wondering out loud... -
- CommentAuthorLynn Cornish
- CommentTimeDec 13th 2004 edited
hmmmm. That's thought provoking for me. In my life, when I got older, friends were less important to me and my little family was enough. When the kids grew up (and in there, I got sober), friends became important again and now, even though I'm married, I can't live without the friendship of other women. We are social animals and we need human love. Being disconnected from the rest of the human race is not a healthy thing. But you have kids, right?
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Interesting thread. I'm 32 years old with two young kids, and at this point in my life I have no close friends. I have those friends I've known for 15 or 20 years and see once a year, and I have acquaintances I get together with because we have kids the same age. But no "best friends" that I get together with regularly, talk about personal issues with, etc.
I have a history of "attracting" very needy people who tend to suck the life out of me
so I guess it's understandable that with my own family to take care of, the prospect of friendship is a daunting one. I tend to devote most of my energy to my kids, and I don't have much left over for socializing beyond emailing my internet acquaintances! My husband doesn't "get" this about me, and it troubles him - but I'm not a "martyr mom" type who is bemoaning my wasted life of taking care of my kids - on the contrary, I LOVE my life, I enjoy being with my kids every day, and I really don't feel the NEED or DESIRE to "escape" or "get out" to get away from them for an evening, weekend, etc. The thought of a "girls night out" is much more exhausting to me than just spending the evening at home with my family.So in the end, if we're content, isn't that all that matters?
Susan
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- CommentAuthorJustAMuse38
- CommentTimeDec 13th 2004 edited
Friends .... I think that one has to befriend as many people as possible, to support others and be approachable. However, I think that having a deep friendship with even one person is a valuable tool to learning about oneself and the world and about acceptance.
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I'm an at home mom of 5 year old twins and my one best friend helps me keep my sanity.I love being a mom but sometimes I want to be known as Chris,I can't imagine a live with no friends.
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for you nit pickers,,,,,,,,(life without her)
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Thank you.
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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nits, but you can't pick your friends nits...
I, too, have a history of attracting the 'needy', oddballs,and outcasts...part of this arises, as so much does in my life, from moving alot and thus being 'the new kid'-by the time i got to town, all the cliques were formed, the cool kids and old families had no interest in me, so all that was left were the freaks.: the fat kids, the slow kids, the other new kids...this carried on into adulthood, especially given that I spent years in bars with the dregs of society.
How different would it have been had I lived in one place my whole life? Well, thats a 'what if' game and I avoid those...but once in a while I speculate...
Tried to think of all my 'friends', as opposed to relatives, coworkers or people I see alot due to hobbies, volunteer work, trips to the same grocery store, or other unavoidable committments-I thought of one, and two pen pals...plus a handful of internet connections...I need a dog. -
Like buddy, I too attract the oddballs. I don't know what it is, for instance, if I am in a line the person in front of me will turn around and give me their life story. I mean I don't know this person and they talk like we've been friends all our lives.
to the topic at hand, I have a few close frineds..we're more like brothers than friends. without trying to sound 'heroic", I would give my life for them, they mean that much. They have my complete loyalty and trust.
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- CommentAuthorukcatfan2004
- CommentTimeDec 19th 2004 edited
Susan:
Interesting thread. I'm 32 years old with two young kids, and at this point in my life I have no close friends. I have those friends I've known for 15 or 20 years and see once a year, and I have acquaintances I get together with because we have kids the same age. But no "best friends" that I get together with regularly, talk about personal issues with, etc.
I have a history of "attracting" very needy people who tend to suck the life out of me
so I guess it's understandable that with my own family to take care of, the prospect of friendship is a daunting one. I tend to devote most of my energy to my kids, and I don't have much left over for socializing beyond emailing my internet acquaintances! My husband doesn't "get" this about me, and it troubles him - but I'm not a "martyr mom" type who is bemoaning my wasted life of taking care of my kids - on the contrary, I LOVE my life, I enjoy being with my kids every day, and I really don't feel the NEED or DESIRE to "escape" or "get out" to get away from them for an evening, weekend, etc. The thought of a "girls night out" is much more exhausting to me than just spending the evening at home with my family.So in the end, if we're content, isn't that all that matters?
Susan
Hi, Susan! Your post sounds a lot like my life right now, minus the hubby(I am divorced). I am a stay at home mom of two boys, 13 and 8, and I lead what I am sure others would consider a very boring life. I am quite personable to others when out and about walmarting and grocery shopping, I am not antisocial, I am just at a stage in my life where I honestly dont have any what society deems best frends or what have you. There are the old H.S. friends92) that I love, but distance prevents a daily type contact. I have a boyfriend, and we see each other, on average, 2 or 3 times a week.
I read a lot, and me and the boys have our little routines down, and I am perfectly content with this.One day, when my boys fly the coop(if they ever do, that is, lol), I am certain I will find friends to connect with. I have one online message board I frequent, and that fills my need for friendly type interaction at this stage.
Cool subject!
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